Then And Now: American Gladiators

I guess now is as good a time as any to start posting again.

American Gladiators was a subtly patriotic show about amateur athletes going head to head with professional "Gladiators" in a series of grueling events. After going on a short twelve year hiatus for a few production meetings and the construction of a new set, the series is set to return in 2008. How does the new American Gladiators stack up against the original from the early 90's?

The Timing
Then: Aired during Operation: Desert Storm, a justified invasion of Iraq that was backed by a majority of the American public. Although we pulled our troops out of the country rather quickly and left Saddam Hussein in power, the war was considered a success.
Now: Will air at the height of the writer's guild strike.

The Gladiators
Then: Pumped full of steroids, scooped up from a beachside gym in California.
Now: Pumped full of steroids and botox, scooped up from a reality show's audition room in California.

The Hosts
Then: Mike Adamle, the greasy creep that pestered female competitors with his constant leering and unnecessary physical contact during interviews, and Larry Csonka, the retired football player who felt the need to reference his accomplishments in the NFL at every opportunity.
Now: Hulk Hogan, the greased-up freak will confuse female competitors by referring to them as "dude" and "brother" during interviews, and Laila Ali, the retired boxer who will feel the need to reference her father's accomplishments at every opportunity.

The Studio Audience
Then: Tourist families taking a rest from the blazing sun during their trip to Universal Studios, clad in Zubaz and neon T&C Surf Design shirts.
Now: Those very same families, who were unable to find an exit after the last taping in 1996.

Event: Assault
Then: As a Gladiator mans a giant air cannon that launches tennis balls at 100 miles per hour, the challenger must navigate an obstacle course and shoot a target above the Gladiator's head with one of several Nerf guns without getting pegged by a tennis ball.
Now: Realizing the event's obvious influence on the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings, it has been removed from the show. In its place, a two minute moment of silence. During this time, the challenger that can go the longest without blinking or laughing gets five points.

Event: Joust
Then: Using padded jousting poles, a Gladiator and challenger attempt to knock each other off raised platforms to the safety mats far below.
Now: Taking a page from Survivor, the Gladiator and challenger share a tiny platform above a pool of water. The two put their senses of balance to the test as they stand still for hours. The first to fall in the water wins.

Event: Atlasphere
Then: The challengers and Gladiators step inside large metallic spheres that resemble hamster wheels and smash into each other. Challengers score points by stopping on marked capture points.
Now: Gladiators and challengers put on blindfolds and enter a small closet, where they punch and kick one another wildly. Points are awarded arbitrarily.

Event: The Wall
Then: Two challengers race to the top of a rock-climbing wall as Gladiators attempt to pull them off.
Now: Challengers and Gladiators team up to pull Mexicans off of a replica U.S./Mexico border fence as they scramble for a better life.

Event: Human Cannonball
Then: Gladiators don protective gear and shields, then stand atop a raised platform as challengers attempt to knock them off by swinging into them with a rope.
Now: Three judges - one snarky, one female and one "cool" - rate the challengers' interpretive dances and puppetry skills.

Event: The Eliminator
Then: The final event of every show, both challengers race to complete a brutal gauntlet of challenges and emerge the victor.
Now: Challengers are released in a section of L.A. that was devastated by a 1997 earthquake. Here they must elude a series of Gladiators armed with unique gadgets such as flamethrowers and jetpacks as they attempt to hunt down and kill the challengers in front of a bloodthirsty nation of mindless viewers.