FUCK YOU, Bob Kraft. Model franchise, my ass. Why don’t you go have a glass of water to clear out the frog that’s been in your throat for the past 60 fucking years.
FUCK YOU to Bill Belichick. You know what’s even nicer than that fact you lost, you fucking shit stain? The fact that you might also lose your fucking job. Isn’t that lovely? Not only did you lose a game, but you also stand to lose your livelihood, your reputation, and your legacy. I, for one, am extremely excited for you to grow a beard, move to Iceland, and become an anti-semite. Cockbag.
FUCK YOU to the Patriots fans out there. “This one hurts!” “This one stings!” Awww, you poor things! You had to suffer through ONE loss all year! Oh no! HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN! You may never recover!
FUCK YOU, as always, to Bill Simmons. Here, I rewrote your article today so that it was even closer to your own voice:“When the final seconds ticked down on Super Bowl XLII, I and I assume the rest of Boston had but one thought: REGGIE LEWIS.”Suck it. No Tom Brady soiree for you, dipshit. Just an awkward conversation with Ufford and big helping of shut the fuck up.
FUCK YOU to Patriot players who invited Giant players to their celebration parties AS THEY WERE GETTING THEIR ASSES HANDED OT THEM DURING THE GAME. Well done, jackasses. No egos in that locker room!
FUCK YOU to Jim Nantz. Your favorite team lost, you white asshole.
FUCK YOU to the Pats’ o-line and their playoff beards. Go play hockey or work in Chelsea love dungeon, you hairy-assed fat fucks.
FUCK YOU to Randy Moss. Disappearing in a big game against the Giants? Hey, thanks for the flashback to 2000, you dick. I hope the charges stick this time.
FUCK YOU to the Patriot Way. “Oh, we’re not like other franchises! We’re selfless! We’re all about the team! All we care about is winning! We invented teamwork! No other team has better chemistry! WE HAVE A CULTURE! WE’RE SPECIAL AND WAY BETTER THAN YOU!” Die.
FUCK YOU to all the Pats fans who talked about how getting caught in some malfeasance - cheating, beating up women, taking steroids - only made the team better. "We draw power from our ability to break rules!" Guzzle cock, fucktasters.
FUCK YOU to Matt Walsh. Guess what I taped last night? Me punching your children.
FUCK YOU to the Pats equipment manager. I dunno who you are, but I fucking hate you.
FUCK YOU to Koolaid Maroney. That’s what you get for denying the existence of construda.
FUCK YOU to Wes Welkah.
FUCK YOU to any children who root for the Patriots. I hope your peers shun you in middle school.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
The Kodak Theater Debate
A few items of note from last night's Democratic Debate between frontrunners Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama (Old Man Gravel is still out there somewhere):
On Health Care:
Senator Clinton claims that, under her plan, she would "pay for this is to take the Bush tax cuts that are set to expire on people making more than $250,000 a year. That would raise about $55 billion...The other $55 billion would come from the modernization and the efficiencies that I believe we can obtain." Unfortunately for her, the math doesn't add up. Even raising taxes to previous levels on the 5.8 million Americans who make only $126K and up would raise about $30 billion at the most. Second, she has never said what these modernizations and efficiencies are. How come she would be able to find them, and the rest of us haven't?
Senator Obama claims that the main difference between his plan and Clinton's is that his plan is "voluntary," as opposed to Clinton's "mandatory" plan. When pressed on how his plan would be funded if millions of Americans refused to join, he would solve the problem "By, for example, making them pay some of the back premiums for not having gotten it in the first place." So his plan is "voluntary" yet would penalize people for not having it.
On Immigration:
Senator Obama: "I think to suggest somehow that the problem that we're seeing in inner-city unemployment, for example, is attributable to immigrants, I think, is a case of scapegoating that I do not believe in." Then, maybe three minutes later: "I also believe we have to give a pathway to citizenship after they have paid a fine and learned English, to those who are already here, because if we don't, they will continue to undermine U.S. wages." Double talk much, Senator?
Obama also favors punishing employers who hire illegal imiigrants, but not because that's against US law or anything, but "we do have to crack down on those employers that are taking advantage of the situation, hiring folks who cannot complain about worker conditions, who aren't getting the minimum wage sometimes, or aren't getting overtime." It's nice to know Obama cares more for the illegal immigrants than those losing jobs because of them.
Senator Clinton, on the other hand, is much more direct about her desire for blanket amnesty: "We will give you a path to legalization if you meet the following condition: pay a fine because you entered illegally, be willing to pay back taxes over time, try to learn English -- and we have to help you do that, because we've cut back on so many of those services." In other words, "We'll give you citizenship, and we'll do everything for you."
During an otherwise dull segment that had nothing to do with issues, Clinton was asks what people would think of another Clinton in the White House, to which she responded with this whopper: "We start from the same place. Nobody has an advantage no matter who you are or where you came from." Sure, Senator. That's why everyone I know is running for President.
On Iraq:
Senator Clinton justifying withdrawing American troop from Iraq: "Yes, we are withdrawing...it's important to send that message to the region, because I think that Iran, Syria, the other countries in the neighborhood, are going to find themselves in a very difficult position as we withdraw. You know, be careful what you wish for.They will be dragged into what is sectarian divisiveness with many different factions among the three main groups." So by running away, we're going to make it the rest of the region's problem? No, Senator. By running away we're going to tell Iran, Syria, and a host of other unsavory characters, "Do with Iraq as you will. It's not our problem anymore."
Senator Clinton also pointed out that she "had to fight to get body armor" for American troops. Maybe she can take that gripe to her buddies like John Kerry, who "voted for the $87 billion (to fund our troops) before voting against it." Even four years later, that still doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
The debate was actually quite civil when the candidates were going after each other. Their major differences came on the minutiae of their policies, which really don;t differ much. One more interesting note: One of the TV sponsors of the debate was an organization that espouses the benefits of using coal, which everyone knows liberals absolutely love.
On Health Care:
Senator Clinton claims that, under her plan, she would "pay for this is to take the Bush tax cuts that are set to expire on people making more than $250,000 a year. That would raise about $55 billion...The other $55 billion would come from the modernization and the efficiencies that I believe we can obtain." Unfortunately for her, the math doesn't add up. Even raising taxes to previous levels on the 5.8 million Americans who make only $126K and up would raise about $30 billion at the most. Second, she has never said what these modernizations and efficiencies are. How come she would be able to find them, and the rest of us haven't?
Senator Obama claims that the main difference between his plan and Clinton's is that his plan is "voluntary," as opposed to Clinton's "mandatory" plan. When pressed on how his plan would be funded if millions of Americans refused to join, he would solve the problem "By, for example, making them pay some of the back premiums for not having gotten it in the first place." So his plan is "voluntary" yet would penalize people for not having it.
On Immigration:
Senator Obama: "I think to suggest somehow that the problem that we're seeing in inner-city unemployment, for example, is attributable to immigrants, I think, is a case of scapegoating that I do not believe in." Then, maybe three minutes later: "I also believe we have to give a pathway to citizenship after they have paid a fine and learned English, to those who are already here, because if we don't, they will continue to undermine U.S. wages." Double talk much, Senator?
Obama also favors punishing employers who hire illegal imiigrants, but not because that's against US law or anything, but "we do have to crack down on those employers that are taking advantage of the situation, hiring folks who cannot complain about worker conditions, who aren't getting the minimum wage sometimes, or aren't getting overtime." It's nice to know Obama cares more for the illegal immigrants than those losing jobs because of them.
Senator Clinton, on the other hand, is much more direct about her desire for blanket amnesty: "We will give you a path to legalization if you meet the following condition: pay a fine because you entered illegally, be willing to pay back taxes over time, try to learn English -- and we have to help you do that, because we've cut back on so many of those services." In other words, "We'll give you citizenship, and we'll do everything for you."
During an otherwise dull segment that had nothing to do with issues, Clinton was asks what people would think of another Clinton in the White House, to which she responded with this whopper: "We start from the same place. Nobody has an advantage no matter who you are or where you came from." Sure, Senator. That's why everyone I know is running for President.
On Iraq:
Senator Clinton justifying withdrawing American troop from Iraq: "Yes, we are withdrawing...it's important to send that message to the region, because I think that Iran, Syria, the other countries in the neighborhood, are going to find themselves in a very difficult position as we withdraw. You know, be careful what you wish for.They will be dragged into what is sectarian divisiveness with many different factions among the three main groups." So by running away, we're going to make it the rest of the region's problem? No, Senator. By running away we're going to tell Iran, Syria, and a host of other unsavory characters, "Do with Iraq as you will. It's not our problem anymore."
Senator Clinton also pointed out that she "had to fight to get body armor" for American troops. Maybe she can take that gripe to her buddies like John Kerry, who "voted for the $87 billion (to fund our troops) before voting against it." Even four years later, that still doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
The debate was actually quite civil when the candidates were going after each other. Their major differences came on the minutiae of their policies, which really don;t differ much. One more interesting note: One of the TV sponsors of the debate was an organization that espouses the benefits of using coal, which everyone knows liberals absolutely love.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Yeah, He Just Needs To Stop Talking
At a campaign stop for his wife, Bill Clinton was quoted as saying "We just have to slow down our economy" to fight global warming. Americans are worried about falling into a recession, and he's saying we need to slow down the economy? Hillary needs to leash him.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Outrageously Peeved, Is What I Am
Item One:
Juan McCain won the Florida primary last night. Mitt came in second, followed by a distant Rudy. The reports coming in today are that Rudy will drop out (John Edwards has just done so) and endorse McCain (Edwards did not). Super Tuesday is now less than a week away, and there is an important debate tonight in California. Thankfully, Mitt has vowed to fight on, and I still believe he will be the nominee. McCain is only a Republican, and is he becomes president, we'll have at least four years of legislation like McCain-Feingold ("campaign finance"), McCain-Kennedy (amnesty for illegal immigrants) and McCain-Lieberman (capping greenhouse gas emissions). These are not hallmarks of a conservative.
Item Two:
The economic "stimulus" that has just passed the House of Representatives may have a fatal flaw. According to some analysts, the bill would grant rebates to illegal immigrants who (illegally) paid taxes, even if they have been deported. Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) has vowed to try and "fix" the bill before it passes the Senate and goes to the President's desk.
Juan McCain won the Florida primary last night. Mitt came in second, followed by a distant Rudy. The reports coming in today are that Rudy will drop out (John Edwards has just done so) and endorse McCain (Edwards did not). Super Tuesday is now less than a week away, and there is an important debate tonight in California. Thankfully, Mitt has vowed to fight on, and I still believe he will be the nominee. McCain is only a Republican, and is he becomes president, we'll have at least four years of legislation like McCain-Feingold ("campaign finance"), McCain-Kennedy (amnesty for illegal immigrants) and McCain-Lieberman (capping greenhouse gas emissions). These are not hallmarks of a conservative.
Item Two:
The economic "stimulus" that has just passed the House of Representatives may have a fatal flaw. According to some analysts, the bill would grant rebates to illegal immigrants who (illegally) paid taxes, even if they have been deported. Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) has vowed to try and "fix" the bill before it passes the Senate and goes to the President's desk.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
The 2008 Presidential Election....Oh Boy
I sat and pondered and pondered and sat, and I tried to figure out who I was going to support for President in 2008. While I had narrowed it down to one or two, I figured I needed to make things official, and really look at the positions of all the candidates. So what follows are the candidates from the two major parties and which issues I agree with them on.
Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE): Nothing
Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY): Israel
Sen. Christopher Dodd (D-CT): Immigration
Former Sen. John Edwards (D-SC): LGBT Issues
Former Sen. Mike Gravel (D-AK): Taxes, Guns
Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH): Nothing
Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL): Israel
Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM): Death Penalty, Guns
Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R-NY): Health Care, Iran, Iraq, Homeland Security
Former Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-AR): Abortion, Stem Cell Research, Guns, Health Care, Iraq, Israel
Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA): Abortion, Stem Cell Research, Crime, Energy, Immigration, Homeland Security, Taxes, Iran, Iraq
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ): Iraq, Iran, Israel, LGBT Issues, Abortion, Crime
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX): Immigration, Taxes, Education, Government Size / Spending, Guns, Abortion, Health Care
Former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA): Abortion, Crime, Energy, Health Care, Taxes, Homeland Security, Immigration, Iran, Iraq
Former Sen. Fred Thompson (R-TN): Taxes, Abortion, LGBT Issues, Guns, Immigration, Iraq, Iran
The winners then, are Duncan Hunter and Mitt Romney. I'll have to give it to Mitt for two reasons: There are a number of smaller, out-of-the-way issuses that I simply know more about his positions on as opposed to Hunter's, and he's by far the more viable candidate.
Now keep in mind, I didn't just look at the things these people have said during the campaign or previously, but what they actually did about these issues while in office. For example, Mike Huckabee claims to support the FairTax, which I orgasm over, but as governor of Arkansas he raised far too many taxes for my taste. Also, many of the Republicans support cutting spending and introducing a school voucher system, which is great, but only Ron Paul actually advocates eliminating the federal government's role in education entirely, and totally eliminating useless Cabinet departments.
So, while I will be content with any Republican in the White House come Januray 2009, I can firmly say I hope it will be Willard Mitt Romney (I know, the name does leave a lot to be desired, but oh well).
Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE): Nothing
Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY): Israel
Sen. Christopher Dodd (D-CT): Immigration
Former Sen. John Edwards (D-SC): LGBT Issues
Former Sen. Mike Gravel (D-AK): Taxes, Guns
Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH): Nothing
Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL): Israel
Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM): Death Penalty, Guns
Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R-NY): Health Care, Iran, Iraq, Homeland Security
Former Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-AR): Abortion, Stem Cell Research, Guns, Health Care, Iraq, Israel
Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA): Abortion, Stem Cell Research, Crime, Energy, Immigration, Homeland Security, Taxes, Iran, Iraq
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ): Iraq, Iran, Israel, LGBT Issues, Abortion, Crime
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX): Immigration, Taxes, Education, Government Size / Spending, Guns, Abortion, Health Care
Former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA): Abortion, Crime, Energy, Health Care, Taxes, Homeland Security, Immigration, Iran, Iraq
Former Sen. Fred Thompson (R-TN): Taxes, Abortion, LGBT Issues, Guns, Immigration, Iraq, Iran
The winners then, are Duncan Hunter and Mitt Romney. I'll have to give it to Mitt for two reasons: There are a number of smaller, out-of-the-way issuses that I simply know more about his positions on as opposed to Hunter's, and he's by far the more viable candidate.
Now keep in mind, I didn't just look at the things these people have said during the campaign or previously, but what they actually did about these issues while in office. For example, Mike Huckabee claims to support the FairTax, which I orgasm over, but as governor of Arkansas he raised far too many taxes for my taste. Also, many of the Republicans support cutting spending and introducing a school voucher system, which is great, but only Ron Paul actually advocates eliminating the federal government's role in education entirely, and totally eliminating useless Cabinet departments.
So, while I will be content with any Republican in the White House come Januray 2009, I can firmly say I hope it will be Willard Mitt Romney (I know, the name does leave a lot to be desired, but oh well).
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Then And Now: American Gladiators
I guess now is as good a time as any to start posting again.
American Gladiators was a subtly patriotic show about amateur athletes going head to head with professional "Gladiators" in a series of grueling events. After going on a short twelve year hiatus for a few production meetings and the construction of a new set, the series is set to return in 2008. How does the new American Gladiators stack up against the original from the early 90's?
The Timing
Then: Aired during Operation: Desert Storm, a justified invasion of Iraq that was backed by a majority of the American public. Although we pulled our troops out of the country rather quickly and left Saddam Hussein in power, the war was considered a success.
Now: Will air at the height of the writer's guild strike.
The Gladiators
Then: Pumped full of steroids, scooped up from a beachside gym in California.
Now: Pumped full of steroids and botox, scooped up from a reality show's audition room in California.
The Hosts
Then: Mike Adamle, the greasy creep that pestered female competitors with his constant leering and unnecessary physical contact during interviews, and Larry Csonka, the retired football player who felt the need to reference his accomplishments in the NFL at every opportunity.
Now: Hulk Hogan, the greased-up freak will confuse female competitors by referring to them as "dude" and "brother" during interviews, and Laila Ali, the retired boxer who will feel the need to reference her father's accomplishments at every opportunity.
The Studio Audience
Then: Tourist families taking a rest from the blazing sun during their trip to Universal Studios, clad in Zubaz and neon T&C Surf Design shirts.
Now: Those very same families, who were unable to find an exit after the last taping in 1996.
Event: Assault
Then: As a Gladiator mans a giant air cannon that launches tennis balls at 100 miles per hour, the challenger must navigate an obstacle course and shoot a target above the Gladiator's head with one of several Nerf guns without getting pegged by a tennis ball.
Now: Realizing the event's obvious influence on the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings, it has been removed from the show. In its place, a two minute moment of silence. During this time, the challenger that can go the longest without blinking or laughing gets five points.
Event: Joust
Then: Using padded jousting poles, a Gladiator and challenger attempt to knock each other off raised platforms to the safety mats far below.
Now: Taking a page from Survivor, the Gladiator and challenger share a tiny platform above a pool of water. The two put their senses of balance to the test as they stand still for hours. The first to fall in the water wins.
Event: Atlasphere
Then: The challengers and Gladiators step inside large metallic spheres that resemble hamster wheels and smash into each other. Challengers score points by stopping on marked capture points.
Now: Gladiators and challengers put on blindfolds and enter a small closet, where they punch and kick one another wildly. Points are awarded arbitrarily.
Event: The Wall
Then: Two challengers race to the top of a rock-climbing wall as Gladiators attempt to pull them off.
Now: Challengers and Gladiators team up to pull Mexicans off of a replica U.S./Mexico border fence as they scramble for a better life.
Event: Human Cannonball
Then: Gladiators don protective gear and shields, then stand atop a raised platform as challengers attempt to knock them off by swinging into them with a rope.
Now: Three judges - one snarky, one female and one "cool" - rate the challengers' interpretive dances and puppetry skills.
Event: The Eliminator
Then: The final event of every show, both challengers race to complete a brutal gauntlet of challenges and emerge the victor.
Now: Challengers are released in a section of L.A. that was devastated by a 1997 earthquake. Here they must elude a series of Gladiators armed with unique gadgets such as flamethrowers and jetpacks as they attempt to hunt down and kill the challengers in front of a bloodthirsty nation of mindless viewers.
American Gladiators was a subtly patriotic show about amateur athletes going head to head with professional "Gladiators" in a series of grueling events. After going on a short twelve year hiatus for a few production meetings and the construction of a new set, the series is set to return in 2008. How does the new American Gladiators stack up against the original from the early 90's?
The Timing
Then: Aired during Operation: Desert Storm, a justified invasion of Iraq that was backed by a majority of the American public. Although we pulled our troops out of the country rather quickly and left Saddam Hussein in power, the war was considered a success.
Now: Will air at the height of the writer's guild strike.
The Gladiators
Then: Pumped full of steroids, scooped up from a beachside gym in California.
Now: Pumped full of steroids and botox, scooped up from a reality show's audition room in California.
The Hosts
Then: Mike Adamle, the greasy creep that pestered female competitors with his constant leering and unnecessary physical contact during interviews, and Larry Csonka, the retired football player who felt the need to reference his accomplishments in the NFL at every opportunity.
Now: Hulk Hogan, the greased-up freak will confuse female competitors by referring to them as "dude" and "brother" during interviews, and Laila Ali, the retired boxer who will feel the need to reference her father's accomplishments at every opportunity.
The Studio Audience
Then: Tourist families taking a rest from the blazing sun during their trip to Universal Studios, clad in Zubaz and neon T&C Surf Design shirts.
Now: Those very same families, who were unable to find an exit after the last taping in 1996.
Event: Assault
Then: As a Gladiator mans a giant air cannon that launches tennis balls at 100 miles per hour, the challenger must navigate an obstacle course and shoot a target above the Gladiator's head with one of several Nerf guns without getting pegged by a tennis ball.
Now: Realizing the event's obvious influence on the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings, it has been removed from the show. In its place, a two minute moment of silence. During this time, the challenger that can go the longest without blinking or laughing gets five points.
Event: Joust
Then: Using padded jousting poles, a Gladiator and challenger attempt to knock each other off raised platforms to the safety mats far below.
Now: Taking a page from Survivor, the Gladiator and challenger share a tiny platform above a pool of water. The two put their senses of balance to the test as they stand still for hours. The first to fall in the water wins.
Event: Atlasphere
Then: The challengers and Gladiators step inside large metallic spheres that resemble hamster wheels and smash into each other. Challengers score points by stopping on marked capture points.
Now: Gladiators and challengers put on blindfolds and enter a small closet, where they punch and kick one another wildly. Points are awarded arbitrarily.
Event: The Wall
Then: Two challengers race to the top of a rock-climbing wall as Gladiators attempt to pull them off.
Now: Challengers and Gladiators team up to pull Mexicans off of a replica U.S./Mexico border fence as they scramble for a better life.
Event: Human Cannonball
Then: Gladiators don protective gear and shields, then stand atop a raised platform as challengers attempt to knock them off by swinging into them with a rope.
Now: Three judges - one snarky, one female and one "cool" - rate the challengers' interpretive dances and puppetry skills.
Event: The Eliminator
Then: The final event of every show, both challengers race to complete a brutal gauntlet of challenges and emerge the victor.
Now: Challengers are released in a section of L.A. that was devastated by a 1997 earthquake. Here they must elude a series of Gladiators armed with unique gadgets such as flamethrowers and jetpacks as they attempt to hunt down and kill the challengers in front of a bloodthirsty nation of mindless viewers.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Insert Angst-Ridden Cry Here
"After close to 15 minutes of talking about problems faced by the world, Weber finally got his second wish as Pres. Clinton began making the case for why his wife should be elected president. Speaking without notes, Pres. Clinton argued that Sen. Clinton is a 'change agent' with examples from her life from before the two married to the present day."
William Jefferson Clinton has enormous balls filled with other people's huge balls to get up on a stage and claim that his cackling wife is a "change agent." Change what? Does he mean like when I press that button on my remote that changes the channel back to the last channel I was watching?
I am 21 years old. I'm not some old man by political standards, but I'm not some young whippersnapper either. OK, I have voted in only one presidential election. In my lifetime there has been one president that has not been a Clinton or a Bush. I wasn't alive for Jimmy Carter, or most of Reagan, and my first memory of anything (and this is sad) is of the Berlin Wall coming down.
So when Bill Clinton says his wife is a "change agent" he is clearly just a little bit full of horse shit. Like about 100 percent. America is praying that there won't be another four or eight years of these same people. Democrats, it is your duty to vote for Obama, or Edwards, or Biden, or Kucinich. Anybody! Vote for that crazy old man Gravel so he can chase kids off the White House lawn. Vote for your best friend. Vote for Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's. Vote for a cartoon hot dog. Anybody else.
Hillary Clinton is not an agent of change. She's not some powerful President Toughmilf. All this talk about a woman president is wonderful. Ladies, us guys understand, we want that just like we want a dog president, but we don't try to elect the first dog that runs for president. We're waiting for the right dog. Some sort of 35 year old talking dog. I think we can wait for the right woman. A woman without the last name of Clinton.
If Democrats fail and Hillary Clinton ends up as the nominee, then I implore America to vote for the Republican. I don't even care at this point if his politics suck. I'll vote for Ron Paul a million times before I vote for Hillary Clinton.
I have this horrible feeling that if Clinton gets back into the White House for eight years American politics are going to turn into a really long and boring version of "Romeo & Juliet." The sort of version that ends up with Chelsea Clinton running off to Kennebunkport to secretly marry some forgotten Bush cousin with twelve fingers and then they'll have a baby and it will be the Kwisatz Haderach that performs an abortion and signs an order outlawing homosexuality on the same day. Thanks, but no thanks! I don't even mean that first "thanks." I only mean "no thanks."
William Jefferson Clinton has enormous balls filled with other people's huge balls to get up on a stage and claim that his cackling wife is a "change agent." Change what? Does he mean like when I press that button on my remote that changes the channel back to the last channel I was watching?
I am 21 years old. I'm not some old man by political standards, but I'm not some young whippersnapper either. OK, I have voted in only one presidential election. In my lifetime there has been one president that has not been a Clinton or a Bush. I wasn't alive for Jimmy Carter, or most of Reagan, and my first memory of anything (and this is sad) is of the Berlin Wall coming down.
So when Bill Clinton says his wife is a "change agent" he is clearly just a little bit full of horse shit. Like about 100 percent. America is praying that there won't be another four or eight years of these same people. Democrats, it is your duty to vote for Obama, or Edwards, or Biden, or Kucinich. Anybody! Vote for that crazy old man Gravel so he can chase kids off the White House lawn. Vote for your best friend. Vote for Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's. Vote for a cartoon hot dog. Anybody else.
Hillary Clinton is not an agent of change. She's not some powerful President Toughmilf. All this talk about a woman president is wonderful. Ladies, us guys understand, we want that just like we want a dog president, but we don't try to elect the first dog that runs for president. We're waiting for the right dog. Some sort of 35 year old talking dog. I think we can wait for the right woman. A woman without the last name of Clinton.
If Democrats fail and Hillary Clinton ends up as the nominee, then I implore America to vote for the Republican. I don't even care at this point if his politics suck. I'll vote for Ron Paul a million times before I vote for Hillary Clinton.
I have this horrible feeling that if Clinton gets back into the White House for eight years American politics are going to turn into a really long and boring version of "Romeo & Juliet." The sort of version that ends up with Chelsea Clinton running off to Kennebunkport to secretly marry some forgotten Bush cousin with twelve fingers and then they'll have a baby and it will be the Kwisatz Haderach that performs an abortion and signs an order outlawing homosexuality on the same day. Thanks, but no thanks! I don't even mean that first "thanks." I only mean "no thanks."
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